For many poor virgin souls, World of Warcraft has become an alternate version of life.  This appears to be the case with the young man in this video.  His mother symbolically kills him by deleting his WoW account and he does not suffer the injustice in silence.  What follows is a textbook vision of an adolescent tantrum:

This display of frustration and anger is without a doubt impressive, but the question still remains as to whether the video is real or fake.  I would like to believe that the whole thing was staged because it really is a sad vision of the modern youth.  If this is how kids react to a deleted computer game account, how will they cope with getting rejected by girls, unfulfilled dreams, and the second great depression.   Unfortunately though, there are aspects of this clip that are too organic, too savage, and too similar to a demonic possession to have been unauthentic.

The first suspicious aspect of the video is how perfectly the camera is set up (0:10).  If the first young man in the video really set this camera up on the fly, he has some serious director of photography potential (at least for hidden camera pornography).  The framing captures every moment of the tirade with the exception of the young man’s brief trip into the closet.  It may be too good.

Also, some of the statements that the young man makes during his fit of rage are questionable.  “Get out of my room!” (0:13)  “I want to run away!  I want to run away and never come back!” (0:35)  “Is this what you want!” (1:20).  They come off as being too close to the stereotype of the angst ridden child.  Still, I believe these statements are consistent with the cliche filled speech patterns of a true child in crisis.  The object of the tantrum is to paint yourself as the victim.  The young man establishes that his privacy has been violated and his mother has caused him to exit the family.  The classic “I hate all you assh*les” impulse.

Finally, the outlandish actions caught on camera are deserving of close investigation.  In addition to the rampant flailing and pterodactyl shrieks, the young man expresses his anger with some fairly absurd actions.  At one point, he takes a television remote control and tries to forcibly insert it into his anus (1:10).  To me, this act is so embarrassing and so revealing of an unstable subconscious that it could not have been planned.  Later, he hits himself repeatedly with a shoe (1:21).  This is problematic because it is a very intelligent choice for someone who is in a very irrational state.  The sole is hard enough to cause some pain, but soft enough to not cause serious injury.  At the end, the young man gives his bed a stiff punch before exiting the room (1:49).  I believe this moment is a genuine kid reaction.  He wants to feel tough and unleash his strength, but he knows not to punch the wall because putting a hole in the plaster will only get him in more trouble with his mother.  An amazingly accurate representation of the feeble adolescent state.

For humanity’s sake, I hope that this video isn’t real.  But I think it is just too insane not to be.

World of Warcraft has become a cultural phenomenon played by over 11 million people worldwide.  Unfortunately, just like every other online MMORPG, douchebag 12 year olds feel the need to not only ruin

my time playing the game, but ruin the entire gaming environment.  Below is the Top 5 list these d-bags and the havoc they wreak.

1.    The Gold Begger – Whether you beg your guildies or walk around Orgrammar begging randoms, people who sit there begging for gold are placed on my top 5 d-bag in WoW list. “Hey can I have 1g for _____.” Fill the blank in with whatever you want: a flight, repairs, a mount, and so on. Instead of spending your time begging people for gold, get your ass out there like everyone else and grind it out!

2.    The Flight Master Killer – Ok. This one is definitely the most annoying to me. It’s all fun and games to attack your opponent’s cities, but damn, leave the Flight Master alone! (said in the  whiney Chris Crocker voice). If I’m in a village and need to get somewhere and the Flight Master is gone, I’m pretty much forced to switch toons and ginrd another character.  Just the other day I was leveling my Pally and was in Sun Rock Retreat. Not only did this Douchy 70 epic Allie kill the flight master, but he sat in SRR and killed every char that walked by. This is a douchy move, let alone camping chars 40 levels below you (I’ll get to you D-Bags later).

3.    The Talking Politics in Trade Channel Guy – Thankfully the election is over because if I have to hear another 12 year old kid complain about Obama, when he clearly doesn’t know his ass from his elbow, I’m going to quit the game forever.  First of all, I play WoW to get away from reality, not to think about all the problems in this world. Secondly, why the trade channel??? Stop spamming my text box and PST someone if you really want to have an in depth chat about politics in a fantasy game with orcs and warlocks.

4.    The Camper – You bastards. You dirty bastards. You gain no value by squatting over my corpse for an hour as I try to run my level 30 character away from your epic mounted level 70 Pally. I have zero chance of getting away but somehow I think you won’t see me as I resurrect over and over again and run. I can imagine the 10 year old sitting at his parent’s computer laughing his ass off for an hour as he kills me repeatedly. Good thing the expansion came out so those gaybo’s will have something to do.

5.    The Mailbox Squatter – When 5 bear-mounted Taurens sit on the mailbox as I struggle to find the 1 pixel left to click on to open my mail, I almost shed tears. Same goes for the Flight Master when I’m struggling to find where to click to get away from the asshole talking politics in Org. Why doesn’t blizzard fix this already? The worst is when a bunch of people are dancing around the mailbox because not only can I not get to my mail, but now I have to watch them dance around for a half hour.

Thankfully the new expansion WoW: Wrath of the Lich King is on sale today and I can pray these super douchy’s  (AKA Super D’s) will finally have new things to do and stop messing with my level 30 Pally.

EA announced that they will be bringing the slightly above average (but not much) game Army of Two to theaters.  Granted it borrows a lot of the action movie buddy cliches, and it’s sort of what you would play if you had never heard of Gears of War, but this movie makes infinitely more sense than EA’s other upcoming movie, the Sims.

Which could basically be any movie as the game is about people being alive.

Sometimes, when I hear movie ideas, I close my eyes and wonder to myself, “self,” I ask. 

“Yes, I am here,” it responds.

“Am I the only one who’s awake when people say this stuff out loud?”

“Yes,” it responds, “yes, you are.”

The movie will be made in conjunction with Universal which is probably the best place for it to end up.  The stuff about war and capping terrorists seemed like something that Fox would be drawn to so they could, ultimately, murder it (I really miss Greg the Bunny, the Tick and, Firefly), but Universal is a little better about giving genre movies more of a chance, or at the very least trust the creative types a bit more.

Am I over thinking a video game movie where it’s all about shooting?  Yes, it’s possible I’m looking too far into this, because how the hell do you screw up a movie where plot points are punctuated by machine guns?

Anyone else have to sit through Max Payne?

What’s even more exciting is the inclusion of Scott Z. Burns, who I haven’t heard of before, but looking over his highlight reel on the press release it looks promising.

Writer-director-producer Scott Z. Burns co-wrote the blockbuster THE BOURNE ULTIMATUM, the 2007 action thriller from Universal that grossed over $442 million worldwide, and wrote and directed the critically-praised HBO film PU-239 which was produced by George Clooney and Steven Soderbergh. He also wrote the screenplay for the upcoming THE INFORMANT, directed by Soderbergh and starring Matt Damon. Burns joined Laurie David and Laurence Bender as producers of the Academy Award-winning documentary AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH, for which he received the Humanitas Prize and the Stanley Kramer Award from the Producers Guild of America. Burns is producing, along with Lorenzo di Bonaventura, the Colombian hostage crisis action thriller at Warner Bros. Burns is developing an original series for HBO based on the work of humanitarian aid organizations with fellow producers Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. Burns’ credits also include writing for the ABC series WONDERLAND.

A Bourne movie, work on a documentary, and writing credits on the criminally overlooked Wonderland? 

Guys, there’s a very good chance that this won’t suck.

*air guitar solo followed by fist bumps and barking*

Full press release after the jump.

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Yesterday, Midway announced that they are ending all licensed properties agreements to focus on original material.

Essentially, rather than put time, money, and resources (the resources being time and money) into making comics or movies based on their games, they’re going to just focus on games. 

Midway expects to take a hit this quarter as they are essentially closing entire departments and will lose investors.  They’re predicting individuals stock shares to drop, but feel it’s a step in the right direction for the company who will make up the money by releasing quality games.

Like Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe.   Gotta love optimists.

Press release after the jump

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EA’s acquisition of Pogo.com now gives them complete and utter domination of the internet.  Between clogging up precious bandwidth with billions of Madden bros and buying the casual gaming giant, they now own everything, ever. 

Though the Wii’s sales and hype have begun to level out, casual gaming is still very much a force to be reckoned with, and Pogo.com happens to run that particular block.  If you’ve ever seen someone play any of their games, that’s all you will see of their life.  It consumes them.

I had a mom…once, until she *choke*discovered Pop It, on Pogo.com…after that, all she thought about was *tears stream down face* getting her next fix of sweet casual gaming…oh…oh God *sobs uncontrollably in the fetal position.*

 AND IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU!

Anyway, EA recently announced that they were going to build Pogo.com a facility in Austin, where they will reside along with EA’s other recent acquisition, Bioware who still owes me another Jade Empire thankyouverymuch.

Interestingly enough, one of the many hypothetical futures for all media, digital distribution, is nestled in the middle of the article.  The first title to be produced under the new agreement is PICTUREKA! MUSEUM MAYHEM! will be available for download first in November on Pogo.com, then in stores in early winter.

Press Release after the jump.

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Today EA announced that they had worked out a three game deal with Zack Snyder, director of Dawn of the Dead, 300, and the highly anticipated adaptation of Watchmen.

Snyder will serve as creative director over the games working primarily with EA Los Angeles.

When asked for comment on the deal, Snyder said,

“I think video games are cool because they offer an opportunity to tell a story in an entirely unique way,” said Zack Snyder. “Being a long time fan of the games EA creates, I look forward to collaborating with them.” 

There’s no word yet on what type of games Snyder will be working on, but looking at his track record, it’s probably going to be something someone else already did, just louder.

Having said that,  300 was awesome, and I can’t figure out why they only released a game for it on the PSP.

Granted, they may have been worried about translating the sex and violence to video games.  NLG tried to reach two videogame representitives for insight into the matter, but Kratos just roared and stabbed a dragon in the face.

 Niko Bellic did call us back and assured NLG that,

“I don’t know nutheeng about no moovees.  That’s more of Roman’s theeng.  He’z my cuzzin.”

 Full copy of the press release after the jump.

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Look, a sequel to my article about sequels.

Tribes – I know, I know, this game has had sequels.  Three, if I remember correctly, and it’s a spin-off of another popular series, Starsiege, but the world wasn’t ready for Tribes just yet, despite the games being successful.  The perfect set of circumstances that would have allowed for it to take over the world had yet to come about.

Tribes was tailor-made for online console.  No more hot-keying vocal commands on your PC to get a troop pick-up or a medic when you can just yell into the microphone that is no longer a luxury but a standard.  The games can either be fast-paced twitch fests or take hours as teams build defenses and send raiding parties on feints and actual flag captures.  While nowhere near as polished or, frankly, perfect, as Team Fortress 2, the game is essentially Team Fortress 2-lite.

In space.

With jetpacks.

The player picks an armor class, heavy, medium, and light, each with their own strength and weaknesses.  Heavies are, wait for it, heavy, and naturally they can soak up damage and unleash mortars on the enemy.  Lights are quick with lots of hang time from their jet packs and the ability to carry sniper rifles, but they go down easy.  There’re vehicles, flying bases, laser targeting for the mortars, turrets to deploy, force fields to set up, and the game is never played the same way twice.

Now, there are sequels, the last as recent as 2004, but that was released on PC, and frankly, the FPS genre just isn’t theirs anymore.  People will make the argument that the PC control scheme is superior for shooters because you can just put your mouse crosshairs over a target, you know, the exact opposite of real life?  Even if the argument has merit, in terms of sales and online usage, consoles are ahead for shooters.  

There was a Tribes game released for the PS2, but do you remember how much fun it was to use the old Playstation Network?  Of course not, because it sucked out loud.

  However with Sony making an effort this time, and Xbox Live showing everyone else how to do it right, now would be a great time to release a polished and balanced online game.  

With jetpacks.

Crackdown – Before Crackdown and later, GTAIV, I wasn’t too enamored with the whole idea of sandbox games.  Sure, I could explore a whole city, but it’d be in a car that either drove like a concussed hippo or behaved like it existed in world where the streets were paved in Crisco.  On top of that, one of the big selling points was that your actions had consequences (you could piss off the cops), which was a neat idea except the shooting and fighting system were both complete shit.

Yes, recreating an actual city with traffic, weather, pedestrians, and the ability to go anywhere you could see, is impressive.  However there was too much give and take for my taste on the core gameplay.  As I said, the game is about being a criminal: boosting cars, shooting it out with the cops, essentially doing all the things you’ve been told your entire life not to do, but with the controls, at least early on, you can only do that type of stuff poorly.  I feel that when the genre was young, it got a pass for doing something so new and daring, and perhaps rightfully so, because the genre as a whole has come far, and is doing almost everything well.

Having said that, I hated GTAIII. 

There it is; I’m coming clean.

I had basically written off the whole sandbox idea until I downloaded the Crackdown demo on a lark.  Realtime Worlds figured out exactly what was necessary to get me into their world, superpowers.  I don’t have to worry about driving because I can just pick up a car and throw it down the street. 

My favorite thing to do in the game was to get into a police car, start the sirens, get out, pick up the car, and chase criminals down the street, and beat them to death with the engine block as the sirens wail.  As I throw the wrecked car at a passing bus, leap forty feet into air, and bound away from the crime scene I know, deep down; I touched lives in Pacific City.  I made a difference.

Look, I have no deep introspective analysis; I just want to blow shit up.  Give me a new city, new vehicles, new guns, and make it so I can actually level buildings.  That’s all I want.  Search and destroy was the only mission in the game.  No escort or defense missions to bore me to death.  Hell, the option to actually enter the game and play says, “clean up the city.”  In my head I like to imagine someone adds “by any means necessary.”

Give me all the new stuff I mentioned plus, after every successful mission I talk to the police chief who tells me that I’m a wreckless loose cannon, and then give me a dialogue tree consisting of the following choices:

-     “You’re right.  I’m sorry.”

-       “…”

-       “Eh, stick it in the report.”

-       *Throw Chief out window*

Then at the end, as I climb out of the rubble of a blown up building, holding the severed head of the last crime lord, I brush past the Chief, and everyone thinks he’s about to go off on me, but, instead, he stares into the distance and says, “he’s dangerous, rude, trigger happy, and his paperwork’s a mess.  He’s a goddamn loose cannon, but son of a bitch does he get the job done.”

Roll credits, play National Anthem on electric guitar over it.

“The End”

“Or is it?”

“It is.”

In order to have some semblance of daily content on this blog, I bounce around various company websites, tech sections on major newspaper and magazine websites, tech blogs, so on and so forth, and it’s hilarious to see how gamers are portrayed by people who aren’t gamers.  I feel bad for these guys, sometimes, because they were probably psyched that they’d get to talk about things they care about: cell phones, mp3 players, laptops, remote controlled toilet, etc.  Then they discover that every so often, they have to throw a bone to the gamers, because, hey, technology, right?

Thus begins the awkward dance of  trying to meet and engage an audience you know nothing about.

Bear witness to the title of the Guardian’s blog title “‘Gamers Not Fat Loners,’ says Research.”  It’s kind of good news, because as the article points out, we’re fit compared to people who do nothing (ie, just sit there static and watch TV).  How can you not love that title?  Our niche role in society was fat loner, until we were freed by scientific research, and are now upwardly mobile.  I can’t wait for the entry, “celebrity enjoys videogames, not just for self-diagnosed asperger suffering shut-ins, anymore.” 

That alone would be funny but the original article that inspired the Guardian blog entry from New Scientist?

“Online Gamers are Fit-Physically, if not Mentally.”

I’m still torn on whether the Guardian entry is a step-up or a step-down.

Seriously, guys, just find some kid out of college with no job prospects, and let him write your videogame stuff for free so he can get “experience” in the media world.

 Hell, it worked for Lampoon Gamers.

IGN’s comic book site has a preview up of the new Gears of War comic from Wildstorm, a sub-company to DC.

The book is written by Josh Ortega who has done quite a bit for both Marvel and DC, and has even worked on Star Wars comics, so he’s used to adapting properties to comic form, so hopefully the long awaited story that bridges Gears of War to Gears of War 2 will be well done.

However, there are some questions that must be answered immediately:

- Will Liam Sharp’s pencils capture the ethereal beauty and unrelenting darkness juxtaposition that makes up the series’ tone?

- Why didn’t the Light Mass Bomb wipe out the entire Locust Horde?

- How many chainsaw bayonetings can we look forward to per page?

- Will the Cole Train translate well to another medium without the angelic tones of Terrible Terry Tate: Office Linebacker to bring him to life?

Terry Tate: Office Linebaker

Terry Tate: Vacation

Probably not.Fun Fact: In the first video around 3:30, Terry says to a fellow office worker, “your ass must be crazy.” That phrase has been scientifically proven to be the funniest thing you can scream at another human being.I probably use it 9,000 times a day.

Cliffy B, please, put that phrase in the game. Assign it it’s own button.

Gears of War 2 streets November 7th 2008, exclusively for the Xbox 360.

Today on the Rock Band website, it was announced that Harmonix is taking great pains to make the playing of imaginary instruments before a digital audience on your TV as realistic as possibe.

“Harmonix and MTV Games announced today a new lineup of musical instrument manufacturers whose premier products will be appearing in Rock Band 2. Joining the list of amazing in-game instruments from the original Rock Band, will be real world microphones, new guitars and an array of industry leading drumsets from some of the music industry’s most prolific manufacturers.”

OH MY GOD, REAL MICROPHONES FOR MY FAKE BAND!!!!11!

‘“We believe that working closely with our musical instrument partners is crucial to our mission to deliver the most authentic music experience possible,” stated Greg LoPiccolo, Vice President of Product Development, Harmonix Music Systems. “Whether it’s picking out your P Bass™, finding the right finish & hardware for your drums, or choosing the best microphone for your singer’s style, having real world instruments included within the world of Rock Band 2 is essential.”‘

Essential.

Once again, for those of you in the back, Harmonix is doing everything in their power to make it so the people who have mastered Rock Band, but not an actual instrument, can be as authentic as possible, virtually speaking, in the imaginary sense. 

Full Press Release after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »