This from Nintendo’s “Powerfest” in 1990. I really don’t have to write any more. Watch in wonderment…

For many poor virgin souls, World of Warcraft has become an alternate version of life.  This appears to be the case with the young man in this video.  His mother symbolically kills him by deleting his WoW account and he does not suffer the injustice in silence.  What follows is a textbook vision of an adolescent tantrum:

This display of frustration and anger is without a doubt impressive, but the question still remains as to whether the video is real or fake.  I would like to believe that the whole thing was staged because it really is a sad vision of the modern youth.  If this is how kids react to a deleted computer game account, how will they cope with getting rejected by girls, unfulfilled dreams, and the second great depression.   Unfortunately though, there are aspects of this clip that are too organic, too savage, and too similar to a demonic possession to have been unauthentic.

The first suspicious aspect of the video is how perfectly the camera is set up (0:10).  If the first young man in the video really set this camera up on the fly, he has some serious director of photography potential (at least for hidden camera pornography).  The framing captures every moment of the tirade with the exception of the young man’s brief trip into the closet.  It may be too good.

Also, some of the statements that the young man makes during his fit of rage are questionable.  “Get out of my room!” (0:13)  “I want to run away!  I want to run away and never come back!” (0:35)  “Is this what you want!” (1:20).  They come off as being too close to the stereotype of the angst ridden child.  Still, I believe these statements are consistent with the cliche filled speech patterns of a true child in crisis.  The object of the tantrum is to paint yourself as the victim.  The young man establishes that his privacy has been violated and his mother has caused him to exit the family.  The classic “I hate all you assh*les” impulse.

Finally, the outlandish actions caught on camera are deserving of close investigation.  In addition to the rampant flailing and pterodactyl shrieks, the young man expresses his anger with some fairly absurd actions.  At one point, he takes a television remote control and tries to forcibly insert it into his anus (1:10).  To me, this act is so embarrassing and so revealing of an unstable subconscious that it could not have been planned.  Later, he hits himself repeatedly with a shoe (1:21).  This is problematic because it is a very intelligent choice for someone who is in a very irrational state.  The sole is hard enough to cause some pain, but soft enough to not cause serious injury.  At the end, the young man gives his bed a stiff punch before exiting the room (1:49).  I believe this moment is a genuine kid reaction.  He wants to feel tough and unleash his strength, but he knows not to punch the wall because putting a hole in the plaster will only get him in more trouble with his mother.  An amazingly accurate representation of the feeble adolescent state.

For humanity’s sake, I hope that this video isn’t real.  But I think it is just too insane not to be.

Here we see Danny Johnson, the 14-year-old Guitar Hero phenom scoring 986,000 points playing Dragon Force’s ‘Through the Fire and Flames” on Guitar Hero 3: Legends of Rock. I don’t know about you, but Fire and Flames on expert makes me crap my pants in 10 seconds or less.

Anyway, this video was recorded at home, but young Danny performed the feat publicly at a Best Buy last week, scoring 973,954 points, to take the record away from some douchey 17-year-old (we kid, we know nothing about Chris Chike except that his 899,703 points can touch Danny).

Anyway, we racked our brains to think of world records that come with a smaller chance of getting laid, but could only come up with ‘longest fingernails’ and ‘fattest person’, so Danny, you’re in good company.

Readers, let us know if you think of any other records that don’t attract the ladies.

World of Warcraft has become a cultural phenomenon played by over 11 million people worldwide.  Unfortunately, just like every other online MMORPG, douchebag 12 year olds feel the need to not only ruin

my time playing the game, but ruin the entire gaming environment.  Below is the Top 5 list these d-bags and the havoc they wreak.

1.    The Gold Begger – Whether you beg your guildies or walk around Orgrammar begging randoms, people who sit there begging for gold are placed on my top 5 d-bag in WoW list. “Hey can I have 1g for _____.” Fill the blank in with whatever you want: a flight, repairs, a mount, and so on. Instead of spending your time begging people for gold, get your ass out there like everyone else and grind it out!

2.    The Flight Master Killer – Ok. This one is definitely the most annoying to me. It’s all fun and games to attack your opponent’s cities, but damn, leave the Flight Master alone! (said in the  whiney Chris Crocker voice). If I’m in a village and need to get somewhere and the Flight Master is gone, I’m pretty much forced to switch toons and ginrd another character.  Just the other day I was leveling my Pally and was in Sun Rock Retreat. Not only did this Douchy 70 epic Allie kill the flight master, but he sat in SRR and killed every char that walked by. This is a douchy move, let alone camping chars 40 levels below you (I’ll get to you D-Bags later).

3.    The Talking Politics in Trade Channel Guy – Thankfully the election is over because if I have to hear another 12 year old kid complain about Obama, when he clearly doesn’t know his ass from his elbow, I’m going to quit the game forever.  First of all, I play WoW to get away from reality, not to think about all the problems in this world. Secondly, why the trade channel??? Stop spamming my text box and PST someone if you really want to have an in depth chat about politics in a fantasy game with orcs and warlocks.

4.    The Camper – You bastards. You dirty bastards. You gain no value by squatting over my corpse for an hour as I try to run my level 30 character away from your epic mounted level 70 Pally. I have zero chance of getting away but somehow I think you won’t see me as I resurrect over and over again and run. I can imagine the 10 year old sitting at his parent’s computer laughing his ass off for an hour as he kills me repeatedly. Good thing the expansion came out so those gaybo’s will have something to do.

5.    The Mailbox Squatter – When 5 bear-mounted Taurens sit on the mailbox as I struggle to find the 1 pixel left to click on to open my mail, I almost shed tears. Same goes for the Flight Master when I’m struggling to find where to click to get away from the asshole talking politics in Org. Why doesn’t blizzard fix this already? The worst is when a bunch of people are dancing around the mailbox because not only can I not get to my mail, but now I have to watch them dance around for a half hour.

Thankfully the new expansion WoW: Wrath of the Lich King is on sale today and I can pray these super douchy’s  (AKA Super D’s) will finally have new things to do and stop messing with my level 30 Pally.

Microsoft announced that in honor of Gears of War 2 shipping this Friday, they’re turning the midnight release date into a huge event with over 20,000 locations taking part, and a few locations getting a few celebrity guests.

The writers and artist team of the Gears comic will be out and about, as will staff from both Epic and Microsoft, however, Universal City, just outside of LA is clearly the winner in terms of star power and promotions.

Here’s a list of some of the bigger locations:

*sigh* I’d be there if only I had a car…and money…and Friday off…and a pony…

Phenomic developed and EA distributed game Battleforge has announced that it will make available a public beta.  This is a good idea, as not much is happening on that day.

Battleforge is equal parts real-time strategy and collectible card game set in a fantasy world.  If done well and marketed correctly, the game would be digital crack. 

Info on the game and the beta can be found here.

Appleinsider.com has a huge story about how the Beatles catalog will be used in a game from the creators of Rock Band and Guitar Hero to be published by MTV games.

If that’s not a big enough story, this deal has been struck BEFORE the Beatles completed a deal to bring their music to iTunes.

This game is going to make eleventy-billion dollars.  An entire new kind of math is going to have to be invented to compute and total the cash rolling in from this game.  People involved with this game are going to swim around in swimming pools of money Scrooge McDuck style.

Read the story here.

God were we reaching with that title.

Anyway, Midway officially confirmed today that interim president since March ‘08, Matthew Booty has officially been named president of the corporation.  Booty worked his was up from the trenches, starting at Midway as a programmer and engineer, and started climbing the ladder from there.  He brings experience, knowledge, and a sweet last name to the job.  It works on two levels; babes and treasure.  Which is awesome.

I know this seems sort of like a non-story unless you’re an investor, but I have to write something or I’ll do is think about Gears of War 2 and how it’s not out yet.

See that?  It’s called bias in the media.

Press release as follows.

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EA has announced that Lord of the Rings: Conquest will ship January 9th, 2009 internationally and then in the US on January 13th, 2009.

It’s created by Pandemic and in the same vein as their Star Wars: Battlefront titles where you take part in a larger battle, and can play for either side in what amounts to giant capture the flag games as you try to hold points and respawn centers.

The games have always been a decent experience, so hopefully the graphics will be sharp and the controlsfurther refined, etc.

But what I really want to know is, why are e getting it later than the rest of the world?  This is America damn it.  Everything comes out here first.  What the hell?  Did we lose a war?

Press Release. Jump.

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Apparently the N-Gage is still around.

I’m just as shocked as you are. 

Also, EA has decided to release games for the N-Gage.  Including some you may have actually heard of, I know, I know, it’s messed up.

Do I even need to post the press release?  Do any of you even have an N-Gage?

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